Sry I called you an 8
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
