absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
