hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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