Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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