My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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