I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
