Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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