My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
