Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
