You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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