You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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