I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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