so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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