I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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