she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
