I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
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