I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
