I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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