How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize