I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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