Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We are two peas in an std pod
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
