I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
