I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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