My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
