Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
