Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
