You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
