I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
