i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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