shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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