Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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