I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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