just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
