oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this will be a night to untag.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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