I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Drunk is not a location!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
