And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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