I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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