I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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