he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
