Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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