I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
