i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
