is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
