My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
