So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
