I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize