you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
