dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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