I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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