this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
