Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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