GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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