remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
