I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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