Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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