How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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