I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
