how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
