so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
