I cockslap morals
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
