I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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