Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
