You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
