why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Randomize
