Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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