We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize