proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
