he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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