My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
