do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
