have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
