now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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