I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize