My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
