Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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