In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
