decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
