Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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