I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
