Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
