somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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