I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't think brook has ever known best
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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