She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
