i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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