you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
