I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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