mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
