It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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