dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize