well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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