Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
