all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
