Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
